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SparkleFairyUnicornRainbow!

Liger!
I have a not-so-secret secret. I read and loved Twilight years ago. The first book mainly. (Although I liked parts of the second one too.) I haven't read the third and fourth books yet -- I am a little scared to. I have heard scary things. That being said, I loved Twilight. Loved.

Which leads me to tonight and my eager viewing of Twilight the movie. You guys. YOU GUYS. It was so awesome. Some parts were genuinely good, and some parts were wretchedly bad, but even the wretchedly bad parts were FANTASTIC. I really don't intend to write a recap, but instead will merely jot down some quick observations of the event.

First off, a quick story. For anyone who's read the book, you know that one of the deep dark secrets that vampires harbor is their ability to sparkle like a Sunshine Crystal Princess My Little Pony doll when out in the sun. (Hence the reason they can't come out in sunlight.) I of course, was waiting for this moment in the movie. Y'ALL. It did not disappoint. Robert Pattinson glittered like a drag queen on Mardi Gras. And at the exact moment Edward and Bella were savoring his glittery visage? My friend whispered in my ear "A unicorn and a rainbow can fall in love, but where would they live?"

DIES.

Now for some quick comments:

Sideways baseball cap Emmett? Doofy doll.

What the hell was up with Jasper's hair?

The moment the white-clad (except for Edward, natch) Cullens appeared in the cafeteria. BOMBASTIC.

The moment with the apple -- cute.

Manic-depressive Edward? Perfection.

Piano playing montage to symbolize twoo loves? Hilariously bad.

"Hold on, my little spider monkey." ??!?

Oh crazy Jacob. Such bad hair, such overacting.

Why, why, why cast a dark-haired Italian man as Carlisle? And then give him a horrendous dye job? Why not hire a blond?

Vampiric baseball? Yes please.

And that is Twilight in a nutshell. What, you say? No mention of Bella? Eh, all right. But let's face it, no one is in this for Bella, right?

MOAR SPARKLE PLS.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
barnardagency
Nov. 25th, 2008 06:42 pm (UTC)
See, I was putting off seeing this movie until at least one or two solid reviews came back to me in a positive light. You have now made me really want to see this. Thank you.

I also enjoyed the first book. The second and third were ok. I have not read the fourth yet. I have heard however that the author's publisher actually requested she write two and three to stretch out the main character's time in high school...which might account for the blandness.

Best quotes from above:

"their ability to sparkle like a Sunshine Crystal Princess My Little Pony doll when out in the sun"

"Robert Pattinson glittered like a drag queen on Mardi Gras"

"A unicorn and a rainbow can fall in love, but where would they live?"

Awesomeness...thank you for making me smile!



misshepeshu
Nov. 26th, 2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
Robert Pattinson glittered like a drag queen on Mardi Gras.

Yes, but did he sparkle like Xerxes in 300? ::snaps::

Dammit, woman, this review makes ME want to go see the movie, and I view the Twilight franchise with considerable cynicism--perhaps even outright gall.
shilohwalker.wordpress.com
Nov. 28th, 2008 04:33 am (UTC)
I haven't read the book, although I own the first one. Really can't say I had any desire to see the movie until I read the review.

Still, I think I'll wait until it hits cable.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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