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Dear Livejournal,

I can't think of a blessed thing to post about today. I have been doing nothing but reading slush the last few days, but at least I did find a submission I wanted to see more of. One submission out of 20 or more, but hey, one is better than none. I kinda feel bad though, because I don't want people getting rejection letters on the holidays. Am I the only one that thinks of stuff like that? Sometimes I think I am a bit too paranoid for my own good. But I don't want to crush spirits on the holidays!

Oh man, I am watching Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving right now. That woman is a batshit-crazy lunatic. She just made mashed potatoes out of frozen bagged hashbrown chunks. Ones that were pre-seasoned. She dumped them into a bowl, covered them with a damp towel, and nuked them in the microwave. Then she mixed in butter, milk, and dried alfredo seasoning powder and mashed the hell out of them. It looks like freeze-dried vomit and likely tastes like it too.

I just don't get it -- Thanksgiving is all about going the extra mile and making a really nice, homemade meal -- why the hell would you dump frozen potatoes into a bowl and pretend they were homemade? How hard is it to boil a damn potato?? And have you seen Sandra's idea of a fancy dessert? A store bought angel food cake, a tub of cool whip and some rum extract? "They will think it is homemade!" Who is this "they" of which you speak, Sandra? People tragically born without tastebuds? Because cool whip is pretty damn recognizable.

In conclusion, face it Sandra Lee, everyone knows it isn't homemade. Just acknowledge it and move on. .



( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 21st, 2007 02:31 am (UTC)
It's not just the Cool Whip! Store-bought angel food cake has this weird chemical aftertaste that home-made doesn't, because most stores cheat and use leaveners.

Boo on Sandra Lee!
Nov. 21st, 2007 03:04 am (UTC)
I know. The craziest Sandra Lee episode I ever saw was a Holiday episode in which she did a trio of angel food "just like homemade" desserts.

The first one was a Hanukkah cake. Store bought angel food, canned vanilla frosting and blue food coloring. She stuffed the hole in the middle of the cake with marshmallows and dyed the vanilla frosting a nauseating shade of blue. She then coated the cake in the frosting -- and I do mean coated. It was about an inch thick. She topped that off with a fake pearl Star of David.

Her Christmas cake was also angel food, vanilla frosting, marshmallows. Except this time she used vanilla extract in the frosting to make it taste better. It is obvious she hates Jewish people as she felt they deserved less flavor. She died the frosting a sickly green, coated the cake in coconut snow, and made green frosting holly leaves with Red Hot berries.

But the piece de resistance was her Kwanzaa cake. I cannot properly express the sheer horror of this one, but I will try. Angel food cake and canned vanilla frosting, per the usual. But then. Then she put cocoa powder and cinnamon into the frosting. Not too bad yet, right? She coated the cake in frosting and then? She opened a can of apple pie filling and dumped it into the center of the cake. For decoration she wedged three full sized taper candles into the cake -- and lord, were they wobbly. AND THEN. She put tiny little ears of corn and CORN NUTS on the cake. UGH.
Nov. 28th, 2007 04:50 pm (UTC)
That Kwanza cake sounds like a diabetic coma waiting to happen!

Ok so I have to confess...I totally cheated-smoked turkey, box stuffing, instant mashed taters. I just didn't have time BUT i did make the sweet potato casserole (with brown sugar and pecans tyvm -- hold the mashmellows ew) with me own two hands!
Nov. 22nd, 2007 04:58 pm (UTC)
Happy Thanksgiving Heather!
Have a great holiday week!

Dec. 3rd, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
Popping into your LJ to say hello. I'm a huge fan and recent friend of one of your former authors, Robin L. Rotham. : ) Anyway, I've been reading your LJ and had to come out of lurkdom to comment.

Yes! to your remarks on Sandra Lee's show. I just don't get the purpose of this show. I watch Food Network to learn tips and tools of the trade from professionally trained chefs. I'm all for shortcuts, just not what she's touting. And honestly, some of her shortcuts are more expensive and more labor-intensive than just buying the base ingredients and working from scratch. Anthony Bourdain had a few choice words to say about that show, and I have to agree.

Now, I fangirl Alton Brown. : )
Dec. 3rd, 2007 11:51 pm (UTC)
Grace...Alton cracks me up. I love his roadtrip series.
Dec. 4th, 2007 12:16 am (UTC)
Alton is brilliant, and you learn a lot from his show since it's a mix of recipes and food science.

Feasting on Asphalt has been one of my favorite shows to appear on Food Network. Did you see the episode where he tried the coolickle (dill pickle steeped in koolaid)? His expressions throughout that segment had me in stitches.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )