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Winter Roses, Part Deux

Liger!
Dear Livejournal,

So I finished Winter Roses. And lo, it was Diana Palmer-riffic. That is, it was crazy and insane and it made no sense and yet I still loved it. I took copious notes in order to recount the crazy for you, and I think I will split it into two posts (because that way I can have two posts! Am such a cheater.). But first! I have to tell you what I discovered reading this book! You guys!! Diana Palmer and her husband are hardcore gamers! Apparently they wondered what all the fuss was about when their son was into XBox and they bought themselves one and got totally hooked. That is so awesome. Too bad that progressive outlook is not seen in her books. Oh wells.

Okay, I think it goes without saying that this entire post is one big spoiler for Winter Roses, so please do not blame me if you read on and get spoiled.

SPOILER ALERT!

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Okay, now that that is out of the way, we can get down to business. When we left off in my last post, the almost 19 year old heroine has been crushed by the 30 year old hero being pictured in a tabloid with a young pretty heiress. So two years pass, and our almost 21 year old heroine has graduated from bookkeeping school and has taken over a CPA business from a heroine in a previous book who has babies now and therefore cannot possibly also work. She has several "big accounts" and is really busy, yet she is still on the edge of poverty and lives in the boardinghouse. No explanation given as to why, of course. (OMG, guys, this reminds me of the DP book about Tippy, a famous Hollywood actress -- I mean FAMOUS. In starring movies, compared to Julia Roberts, etc. Y'all, she was POOR in the book. Poor! Where the hell did all her money go, you ask? Her brother needed to be in a fancy boarding school. GAH. So so retarded. That is actually one of the few DP books I could not finish, it was so stupid.)

Anyway, I am not going to give you a blow by blow of Winter Roses, instead I thought I would list more things that make it clear you are reading a Diana Palmer book. So without further ado, ten more indications you are reading a Diana Palmer book, as found in Winter Roses:

1. The phrase "quite a dish" is used to describe the hero and heroine in equal measure. Said with a straight face by people my age and younger, no less.

2. Um, I am not quite sure if I should admit this, but I made a note that reads ""Flour" missing" and I have no clue what it is referring to. Um, Diana Palmer books all blend together, I guess? **AH HA! I remembered! The heroine's druggie sister (who lives in New York City) randomly tells her to give the local baker a message about a "missing" shipment of flour. She thinks that sounds a little odd, but is all whatever. Now everybody and their mother knows that Jacobsville is a hotbed of drug cartels and a pipeline straight from South America, I mean almost every other book in the Long, Tall Texan series has someone catching a new drug dealer, and yet the heroine is still all "maybe my sister who lives across the country helps out the local baker, teehee!**

3. Dude, this is one of the best things. In the middle of the book, the heroine who is out on a date with the Sheriff (NOT the hero, oh noes!) is at a town fundraising dance, and the Sheriff and another law enforcement guy challenge each other to a dance-off. The song of choice? The MACARENA. Since the Macarena craze happened in 1995 through 1997, one can only assume the heroine loved it when she was 8.

4. At one point in the book the hero sends the heroine a "look that could fry bread". Huh? I mean, I know there is such a thing as fry bread, but a look that could fry bread? WTF, yo?

5. Randomly in the middle of the book, we learn that the heroine always wanted to study opera. But she never wants to leave Jacobsville, so whatever, opera is not the kind of thing you study in a vocational college, and since you will be pregnant at 21, tough shit, heroine!. This opera obsession is a big theme in Diana Palmer books. In fact, in one of her earlier angsty books the heroine proves to the hero that she is not a dirty whore by singing Madame Butterfly. Yeah, you kinda have to read it to understand.

6. We casually learn at the start of the book that the heroine has a minor heart disorder, which precludes her from taking strong migraine medicine. This is mentioned once and only once, and has absolutely no bearing on the book. In fact, it is so not important that the hero and heroine never discuss it and the heroine will likely end up pregnant without ever mentioning it either. Heart conditions are also a running theme in DP books. At least 1 out of every 3 stories deal with them in one way or another.

7. The hero has pale, icy eyes. Occasionally they glitter cruelly. Or cuttingly.

8. Midway through the book (right before the Macarena danceoff) the heroine tells her best friend she hasn't talked to her druggie sister in 2 months, and then a few days later, at the party, she tells someone else she talked to her a week ago. Typical attention to details there.

9. I mentioned this above, but I will reiterate it here. The heroine had a successful CPA business dropped into her lap, I think it is even mentioned that she may be one of the only options in town, and yet she still lives in a boardinghouse and has no money. She has no relatives except druggie sister, and she isn't sending her money, so where the hell is her income going?

10. and oops, now she has no relatives, because, oh noes!, her sister is dead, y'all.

In conclusion, stay tuned for Winter Roses, part the last, coming tomorrow!

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
cecewriter
Nov. 19th, 2007 03:15 pm (UTC)
Quite a Dish
The phrase "quite a dish"

I am SO going to start using this phrase....in everyday conversations

*runs*
e_d_trix
Nov. 19th, 2007 05:52 pm (UTC)
Re: Quite a Dish
Hahaha, you will have to report back to me on the reactions you get.

Walking down the street with friends -- "that guy is quite a dish!" *stunned silence*
cecewriter
Nov. 20th, 2007 03:04 pm (UTC)
Re: Quite a Dish
heheheeeeeeeeee We're supposed to go out next weekend so I'll keep you posted!
(Anonymous)
Jul. 16th, 2008 12:46 am (UTC)
3. Dude, this is one of the best things. In the middle of the book, the heroine who is out on a date with the Sheriff (NOT the hero, oh noes!) is at a town fundraising dance, and the Sheriff and another law enforcement guy challenge each other to a dance-off. The song of choice? The MACARENA. Since the Macarena craze happened in 1995 through 1997, one can only assume the heroine loved it when she was 8.

Tell me you're joking. OMG. This makes me want to go back and finish reading it, almost.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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